'Twas the Night Before Christmas

The Post and Courier held a contest this year for folks to send in their versions of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.  Each has its own Lowcountry flair.  Enjoy! A Lowcountry Visit from St. Nicholas 'Twas the night before Christmas in old Charles Towne And on this eve there was no snow falling down But the stars on this mild winter night gleamed so pretty In the sky overlooking the old Holy City. From Broad Street to King Street to Joe Riley Park All the shops were now closed, all the houses stood dark. From The Citadel all the way down to East Bay All the folks were asleep, dreaming of the next day. For the next day was Christmas, that time of the year Of presents and fellowship, faith and good cheer A day when we all can look to within And hope for world peace and good will to men. Now suddenly up in that dark, gentle sky An object appeared that was flying quite high It flew over the harbor and began to come down On a course that took it right past the Yorktown. Past the new bridge it continued its flight And over the city on this Christmas Eve night It now flew so low that it made quite a breeze For the leaves in the tops of the palmetto trees. This object of course was sleigh with reindeer And a jolly old man whom we all hold so dear Yes, it was Santa Claus, he had come back With presents for all in his great Christmas sack. He flew to each house and set down on each roof Without even the sound of one reindeer hoof Then into each house he quietly stole With gifts that he'd brought with him from the North Pole. There were Battery tickets and mirrors for primping, Fishing rods, golf clubs and cast nets for shrimping The stockings he filled with Lowcountry treats Like stone-ground grits and other good eats. And when he had finished each house in its turn He looked at his watch and frowned with concern. "I'd better get moving," he said, "HO, HO, HO! I've still got half of the world yet to go!" So he climbed back into his sleigh and took flight Away from the city and into the night And anyone listening would have been sure to hear "Goodnight, dear Charleston, I'll be back next year!"   'TWAS THE NIGHT 'Twas the night before Christmas and up in the sky Santa's big plans were all going awry. The deer got bogged down in the pluff muddy muck; Some fella named Bubba hit the sleigh with his truck. A fire ant mound grew in Santa's left boot And the night was too warm for his heavy red suit. That red-nosed runt Rudolph led a strike for more grits, And Donner and Blitzen were calling it quits, Demanding promotions and overtime pay Or they'd turn St. Nick in to the SPCA. "I want to retire," he wailed in distress. "Who needs all this hurry and worry and stress? Hilton Head golf's what I need at this stage But they keep on increasing retirement age!" While Santa's bad luck had no rhyme and no reason, At least Christmastime's not in hurricane season. Could the North Pole be under some Lowcountry curse? Well, what happened next was clearly the worst. The sleigh in a Palmetto tree got entangled While eight tiny reindeer and Rudolph there dangled. "Please help me! I'm stuck!" Santa's voice rang out brashly For his cell phone splashed down crossing over the Ashley. "I'll do what I know and it's what I do best -- I'll get us all out of this terrible mess." He jumped from the sleigh to the handiest home To leave off some presents and borrow the phone. 'Twas the 5th night of Hanukkah; all slept in peace. Dad in pajamas, Mom in chemise, The kids tucked in bunk beds, the babe in her cradle And on the warm hearth lay the Hanukkah dreidel Along with the gold-foil wrapped candy-coin gelt Whose chocolate oozed out as it started to melt. Down the chimney slid Santa, slick as an eel And landed with grace on one black-booted heel. Aghast when he slipped on some brown gooey stuff, He swore that he'd had quite enough of that pluff! He called AAA, then he turned to his duty Of placing the gifts, sharing holiday beauty, But the likeliest corner was blatantly bare. Shouldn't there be a big Christmas tree there? On further inspection he saw undecked halls, No wreaths and no tinsel, no crystalline balls. No trace in the fridge of a holiday ham. He sighed, "I am lost. I don't know where I am!" Then pivoting 'round, his eyes widened in horror As there on the mantel he saw the menorah! He pictured the headline, the photo his own -- "Santa Spends Christmas Eve in a Nice Jewish Home!" He had to escape and proceeded to climb But poor old St. Nick didn't get out in time. Two chilly-toed children suppressing a giggle At seeing him struggle and scramble and wiggle Called out "Mr. Claus! Don't leave now -- please come back! Come into the kitchen -- we'll give you a snack!" "No cookies for me on my new low-carb diet!" "Sir, where are your manners? They're latkes -- please try it!" And then as he noshed they commenced to confess That this detour tonight wasn't pure randomness. "We rigged the palmetto and laid out a lure So the reindeer would stop and we'd meet you for sure." "I admit that I'm flattered, at a loss for a word, But why would you bother? It's really absurd." "We've heard so many stories! We just had to see If you really are all that you're cracked up to be." "I'll prove it!" said Santa, and gave each a gift Assuming that presents their spirits would lift. They thanked him profusely, not raised to be rude, But figured they'd better enlighten the dude. "Your diversity training is way out of date -- For Hanukkah, we're supposed to get eight." Clasping his forehead, he got up to go To wait with the sleigh in the tree for his tow. They said their farewells, wished each other good cheer, Santa swearing to come for more latkes next year. The sleigh was set free and the next thing you know The whole thing took off with a jing! and a ho! And as he flew off, Santa gave out a call: "Merry Christmas, Good Night, Happy Hanukkah, y'all!" - Susan Shapiro, Summerville   THE JENNERS' NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the marsh The gators were saying, "This weather is harsh. The pluff mud is freezing, the sea oats have frost. I fear all my holiday spirit is lost." The anhinga and herons were snuggled up tight Their feathers so cold that they couldn't take flight. And the palmetto bugs in the palmetto trees were dancing "The Charleston" so they wouldn't freeze. Soon their frozen silence broke up with a splash A large sleigh and eight reindeers came down in a crash! And who should come swimming up through the duck weed but a jolly old elf with a life-saving need. Although gators don't generally rush to your aid This time it was Christmas and efforts were made They saved that old geezer and his reindeer, too Because Lowcountry manners required that they do. They recognized Santa 'cause everyone knows That red suit and reindeer wherever he goes. Poor Santa was moaning, a soaking sad sight "How will I ever get on with my flight? Oh, this is the worse thing that ever has come Now my Christmas deliveries will never get done All the Gullahs and Geechees and those Southern Belles Will have empty stockings and be mad as ... heck." Well those gators knew that it must be St. Nick and they knew that somebody should do something quick. So they raced to the Pig and they called up Mayor Joe If anyone knew how it fix it, he'd know. They knew that Joe Riley would never allow Christmas to pass up his city, no how! So faster than fat men can jump in a sleigh He called up Chief Greenberg to come save the day. Now you know that Chief Greenberg shows up everywhere On a bike, in a car, and sometimes in the air So faster than Santa gets in his red coat He ran to the docks and jumped in a johnboat. He raced up the Ashley and then down the Cooper On past that new bridge that will someday be super Reuben pulled in the swamp with some hot she-crab soup And snatched up St. Nick who began to recoup. "We'll save you, Santa, and all your reindeer But the oyster bank ruined the sleigh, I do fear. Here in Old Charleston you won't find a sleigh but your horse-drawn carriage can sure save the day." Soon Santa, the reindeer and gifts were in flight Christmas was saved on that cold Charleston night And those gators woke up warm and cozy and cute, wearing Broad Street blue blazers and khakis, to boot. Now our Lowcountry manners were such a big draw That Santa now summers on old Kiawah He'll be back next summer and when summer's through He'll bring Christmas to Charleston, and those gators, too. - written by the Jenner Family of Charleston while in the car on a family trip   'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - A YANKEE'S FIRST CHRISTMAS IN THE LOWCOUNTRY It's the night before Christmas -- our first in the South. I'm learning to rein in my fast Yankee mouth. So when I wish my new neighbors a blessed holiday They'll even understand what it is that I say. I've shopped at the Pig for our Christmas Day feast, But what are these Greenbax -- can you tell me please? It's not that important, much better by far That I've learned to say things like Huger Street and Kerr. We'll dine on some new things like rice and red beans But I haven't quite worked up to tasting those greens. I'll stick to the shrimp and a she-crab souffle, Benne wafers, cornbread and some Gullah Gourmet. I often get lost, but I'm getting around All these Ashleys and Coopers and street names that sound All alike to my untrained and Northern-raised ear. Do all roads really lead to Savannah from here? I still have one last bit of shopping to do But I don't feel up to a bridge, old or new. So I'll stay close to home to get it all done But please pray I make that left out onto 61. Finished! Gifts bought, goodies baked and tree trimmed In hand-painted sand dollars and starfish -- gold-rimmed. My pineapple doormat welcomes all who draw near In the hopes that Nicholas of Charleston soon will appear. I've shopped the old Market, toured the fine homes Decked in holiday splendor where carolers roam, Tasted Market Street Munchies, communed at St. Matt's, Enjoyed candlelight service, worn Santa Claus hats. But something's still missing -- it doesn't feel right. The air's much too warm, not a snowflake in sight Unless you count those we saw lit after dark As we drove -- windows down -- on through James Island Park. And what is that smell that's offending my nose? Pluff mud? What's that? Eeek! Something ran across my toes! A palmetto roach! It's enormous -- no lie! Hey -- nobody told me these durned things could fly! I duck in my house to escape the strange sights, Smells all so foreign and insects in flight. I find myself wishing for something I know -- Jack Frost a'nipping or white Christmas snow. When what to my wondering eyes should appear But a miniature manger -- Mary and Joseph are near I touch the small figures each one in its turn As if each expression and detail to learn. Three Wise Men are kneeling with gifts fine and rare And shepherds with sheep worship quietly there. The Baby's asleep in his soft bed of hay And Bethlehem's star shines as bright as the day. A magnificent angel completes the small scene And I smile as I realize just what it all means. The Christ Child is born! Peace on Earth and Good Will! Love never-ending our cold hearts to fill! Christmas is not our location or town -- It's found in our hearts, hidden way, way deep down. And once every year in the dark of December It shines forth its light urging us to remember. So even if there is no snow in this land And my shoes crunch instead on soft beaches of sand, I'll pray and thank God for this great gift of Light. Merry Christmas to all -- and to all a good night! - Mary-Katherine Canaday, Charleston

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